Friday, August 28, 2009
Can anyone say.. sexism?
Trying to get my car an oil change is like a tourist trying to give a tiger a vitamin pill. Apparently, not going to happen in our lifetime.
I love my car. It is foreign. It is fabulous and ridiculous at the same time. I fawn over it in a not so natural way...*sheepish eyes*, and I clean it as often as I can.
I just wanted an oil change.
My nightmare begins.
My mom, who I drove to visit during one of my weekly runs to go visit everyone and everyone's graves, (it's not morbid to take flowers to someone you love..'nuf said) says take it "here". So I did. "Nope, don't do foreign cars". K, no problem.
Take it back to the "Big city" and am met with Redneck hell once again *shaking my head and laughing at how they are about the get their ass kicked by me.*
"Lady" and this is literally how it went. "yooooouuuuu want your oiiiiilll changed. Gonna cost ya." Yes, I know. Yada, yada, yada. Ultimately, bubba wanted to make an arrangement of sorts. Ah, no thank you.
Really??? I'm just average, truly nothing special to look at.
Kept pushing and pushing until I finally said I like pussy, in my not so average, blunt way. Gay, lesbian, ain't gonna happen, you son-of-a-bitch.
Now things change. Somehow, NOT much to my surprise, prices rise.
In the end, bubba didn't do my oil change. Someone else did and it ended up being the right price. I can take names and kick ass when needed.
Gay/Lesbians. Don't take shit off anyone. We have rights too. Don't be afraid of bubbas or managers or anyone trying to take advantage of you. Stand up. Those of us who don't have "clout" so to speak, just speak your mind. And if you don't find what you are looking for, move on. I was limited b/c of the car I drive, but otherwise, there are many willing to take our business. Just always stand up for us, your rights and every other oppressed person out their. Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter. ~ Martin Luther King, Jr.
~namaste hb
I love my car. It is foreign. It is fabulous and ridiculous at the same time. I fawn over it in a not so natural way...*sheepish eyes*, and I clean it as often as I can.
I just wanted an oil change.
My nightmare begins.
My mom, who I drove to visit during one of my weekly runs to go visit everyone and everyone's graves, (it's not morbid to take flowers to someone you love..'nuf said) says take it "here". So I did. "Nope, don't do foreign cars". K, no problem.
Take it back to the "Big city" and am met with Redneck hell once again *shaking my head and laughing at how they are about the get their ass kicked by me.*
"Lady" and this is literally how it went. "yooooouuuuu want your oiiiiilll changed. Gonna cost ya." Yes, I know. Yada, yada, yada. Ultimately, bubba wanted to make an arrangement of sorts. Ah, no thank you.
Really??? I'm just average, truly nothing special to look at.
Kept pushing and pushing until I finally said I like pussy, in my not so average, blunt way. Gay, lesbian, ain't gonna happen, you son-of-a-bitch.
Now things change. Somehow, NOT much to my surprise, prices rise.
In the end, bubba didn't do my oil change. Someone else did and it ended up being the right price. I can take names and kick ass when needed.
Gay/Lesbians. Don't take shit off anyone. We have rights too. Don't be afraid of bubbas or managers or anyone trying to take advantage of you. Stand up. Those of us who don't have "clout" so to speak, just speak your mind. And if you don't find what you are looking for, move on. I was limited b/c of the car I drive, but otherwise, there are many willing to take our business. Just always stand up for us, your rights and every other oppressed person out their. Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter. ~ Martin Luther King, Jr.
~namaste hb
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Oh, Brother....
Do you have brothers? I have two. Both older. They think they know EVERYTHING. HA. One is a bonafide freak and the other is a know-it-all freak. Nothing doing. No offense, but their knowledge about life doesn't suspercede mine in ANY way, and they know it, just that simple. I've had more life experiences than they can count. Matter of fact.... not me being obnoxious.
As long as I can remember, Me, myself, and I have been the person to go to in the family. Even when things got tough with my mom and dad during cancer (rest his soul) me taking him to treatments, watching the drugs drop and inch through a tube into his vein, which I knew wouldn't work, but I kept a smile on my face and feed him ice chips. Even while I watched from the back of church as my family said mass on his behalf while his hospice nurse watched him like an infant, which horrified me. Even holding his head while he puked and he commented that he never thought he would see his kids hold his head while he puked, both my older brothers called me. "Blahh, blahh, mom did this, dad said this..." I inherited my mom's diplomatic soul to a certain degree, but with a little bit of sass, o.k a lot of sass (from my dad, but with temperment) to go along with it. I listen, agree or disagree, offered and still do my opinion when appropriate. I soooooo wonder why, as the baby of the family, why I have to be the hook?
Both brothers have problems that I have been dealing with ALL my life. From the time I was in kinder, I remember being told my brothers were special and needed help. I was freaking 4/5?.... What the hell/fuck else am I suppose to do but help? I had problems too. Hey, can anyone say, growing up in a small town, knowing I was a lesbian but didn't know how to handle it?????......Ugggg. I'm not angry, just frustrated. BTW, anger and frustration are two different things.
My mom drove down to my brother's ranch today to visit and take him some stuff. Called me and asked if I wanted to go. No thank you. Just worn out. I just told her I was too tired.
I'm too tired. I'm tired of being the one they all come too. I'm tired of being the hook for the family. Is that bad????? I have a double kindney infection and have practically lost my voice from trying to take care of everyone else. I love my family and trust me, they are family poor, meaning it's me or nobody (everyone else has died from either breast or colon cancer or just died). I quit corporate America for many reasons the most of which is really my family. I love them. I have some savings. I can live poor. I don't care. It isn't about money. My family means more to me than most could ever realize. I write, take care of my nephews, brother, his wife and especially my mom. It is hard. But, daily, laugh or cry, I'm with family, my best friends, nephews...everyone that I can burn in my memory for the rest of my life. I will have those memories until the day I die.
But, it is hard. As tough as I am (and realize, I'm as fucking tough as they come, soul and body) I read some poetry, write, exericise, cook, punch some bags as hard as I can and sometimes just cry. I HATE to cry. Then, I just get over it.
I wish I had something more prolific to say but that's it. I have two older brothers that I cherish who think they are know- it- alls because they are older.
I guess my rant is that just because someone is older doesn't mean they know more. It just means they have been alive longer so they can be more annoying. :) Not to say that anyone alive longer is automatically more annoying....just that sometimes, the older, take the younger for granted and young people take the older for granted.
Young people, patiently listen to your elders. They have experience too. Listen to what they have to say and absorb it. Let it wash over you in glorious revelation. Take it for what it is worth. Store it for later when you are willing to accept it. Don't dimsiss it, ever. Elders, listen to what someone younger has to say. Maybe you will learn something. It won't hurt to listen.
Just an observation. We were all put on this earth to learn from each other. I know this in my heart. Learn from one another. :_
Nameste ~ hb
As long as I can remember, Me, myself, and I have been the person to go to in the family. Even when things got tough with my mom and dad during cancer (rest his soul) me taking him to treatments, watching the drugs drop and inch through a tube into his vein, which I knew wouldn't work, but I kept a smile on my face and feed him ice chips. Even while I watched from the back of church as my family said mass on his behalf while his hospice nurse watched him like an infant, which horrified me. Even holding his head while he puked and he commented that he never thought he would see his kids hold his head while he puked, both my older brothers called me. "Blahh, blahh, mom did this, dad said this..." I inherited my mom's diplomatic soul to a certain degree, but with a little bit of sass, o.k a lot of sass (from my dad, but with temperment) to go along with it. I listen, agree or disagree, offered and still do my opinion when appropriate. I soooooo wonder why, as the baby of the family, why I have to be the hook?
Both brothers have problems that I have been dealing with ALL my life. From the time I was in kinder, I remember being told my brothers were special and needed help. I was freaking 4/5?.... What the hell/fuck else am I suppose to do but help? I had problems too. Hey, can anyone say, growing up in a small town, knowing I was a lesbian but didn't know how to handle it?????......Ugggg. I'm not angry, just frustrated. BTW, anger and frustration are two different things.
My mom drove down to my brother's ranch today to visit and take him some stuff. Called me and asked if I wanted to go. No thank you. Just worn out. I just told her I was too tired.
I'm too tired. I'm tired of being the one they all come too. I'm tired of being the hook for the family. Is that bad????? I have a double kindney infection and have practically lost my voice from trying to take care of everyone else. I love my family and trust me, they are family poor, meaning it's me or nobody (everyone else has died from either breast or colon cancer or just died). I quit corporate America for many reasons the most of which is really my family. I love them. I have some savings. I can live poor. I don't care. It isn't about money. My family means more to me than most could ever realize. I write, take care of my nephews, brother, his wife and especially my mom. It is hard. But, daily, laugh or cry, I'm with family, my best friends, nephews...everyone that I can burn in my memory for the rest of my life. I will have those memories until the day I die.
But, it is hard. As tough as I am (and realize, I'm as fucking tough as they come, soul and body) I read some poetry, write, exericise, cook, punch some bags as hard as I can and sometimes just cry. I HATE to cry. Then, I just get over it.
I wish I had something more prolific to say but that's it. I have two older brothers that I cherish who think they are know- it- alls because they are older.
I guess my rant is that just because someone is older doesn't mean they know more. It just means they have been alive longer so they can be more annoying. :) Not to say that anyone alive longer is automatically more annoying....just that sometimes, the older, take the younger for granted and young people take the older for granted.
Young people, patiently listen to your elders. They have experience too. Listen to what they have to say and absorb it. Let it wash over you in glorious revelation. Take it for what it is worth. Store it for later when you are willing to accept it. Don't dimsiss it, ever. Elders, listen to what someone younger has to say. Maybe you will learn something. It won't hurt to listen.
Just an observation. We were all put on this earth to learn from each other. I know this in my heart. Learn from one another. :_
Nameste ~ hb
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Rule #1
K.
Rule #Uno, 1, Jed (hey, I'm a mutt of background's and Polish is one of them also Czech, Dutch, Cherokee (check out my cheekbones if you doubt ;)) , German,...the list goes on and on).
Rule number one in Hilary's lesbian handbook is....Never date or go after the straight girl. Admire them, comment on how HOTT they are (can anyone say Erin Phillips...yummy!) , but never ever go after them in a serious attempt to be in a relationship. If they are truly gay, they will realize it in their own time and come out. Simple. Don't push, shove, nudge or suggest.
This might seem obvious. You're gay, she's straight - what's to figure out? But, both straight and gay women seem to have a fascination with each other. One wants to know what it's like to be with a women, the other wants to show the other how life is much more improved by being with a woman. It is quite literally insane on everyone's part.
I myself have never gone after the straight girl (learned from years of experience). Yeah, I've danced with her at clubs-fun, been offered the room key- tempting, flirted with her to get a Dirty Grey Goose Martini : three olives thank you, - am I bad?, but I never slept with them. I'm GREAT at deflecting. However comma many of my lesbian friends tried to be with straight women with disastrous results. I have never seen any good come from it. You THINK you've seen lesbian drama? Try experiencing it with a straight girl. I can't count on my fingers, toes and black eyes how many times I've had to break up the straight/lesbian fight. Those straight girls can throw a punch...in the wrong direction of course.
Bottom line, just don't give in. I knooooowwwww, you think she's the love of your life. But, she's straight, you are gay. Don't fight it. This is not "The Notebook", ---it is real life. We work, take out the trash, do laundry just the same. Just not WITH STRAIGHT GIRLS. We all have gaydar. We know who is and isn't. Don't be ridiculous. Admire, don't aquire. :)
Btw, I now have a trademark on the whole "admire, don't aquire" thing, so, don't even try to steal it. :)
~Namaste hb
Rule #Uno, 1, Jed (hey, I'm a mutt of background's and Polish is one of them also Czech, Dutch, Cherokee (check out my cheekbones if you doubt ;)) , German,...the list goes on and on).
Rule number one in Hilary's lesbian handbook is....Never date or go after the straight girl. Admire them, comment on how HOTT they are (can anyone say Erin Phillips...yummy!) , but never ever go after them in a serious attempt to be in a relationship. If they are truly gay, they will realize it in their own time and come out. Simple. Don't push, shove, nudge or suggest.
This might seem obvious. You're gay, she's straight - what's to figure out? But, both straight and gay women seem to have a fascination with each other. One wants to know what it's like to be with a women, the other wants to show the other how life is much more improved by being with a woman. It is quite literally insane on everyone's part.
I myself have never gone after the straight girl (learned from years of experience). Yeah, I've danced with her at clubs-fun, been offered the room key- tempting, flirted with her to get a Dirty Grey Goose Martini : three olives thank you, - am I bad?, but I never slept with them. I'm GREAT at deflecting. However comma many of my lesbian friends tried to be with straight women with disastrous results. I have never seen any good come from it. You THINK you've seen lesbian drama? Try experiencing it with a straight girl. I can't count on my fingers, toes and black eyes how many times I've had to break up the straight/lesbian fight. Those straight girls can throw a punch...in the wrong direction of course.
Bottom line, just don't give in. I knooooowwwww, you think she's the love of your life. But, she's straight, you are gay. Don't fight it. This is not "The Notebook", ---it is real life. We work, take out the trash, do laundry just the same. Just not WITH STRAIGHT GIRLS. We all have gaydar. We know who is and isn't. Don't be ridiculous. Admire, don't aquire. :)
Btw, I now have a trademark on the whole "admire, don't aquire" thing, so, don't even try to steal it. :)
~Namaste hb
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Why?
I've been doing research for a few months on gay rates of depression and suicide. My very good friend Janice's *names have been changed on request of the family* sister, Tessa was a lesbian and committed suicide. We went to school together. I knew her. I knew she was gay. I never approached her about it. I should have. She killed herself with a shotgun. I should have talked to her. I feel like I could have prevented EVERYTHING that happened to this family.
Her sister, a very good friend of mine, at my request sent me her final suicide note. I couldn't even get through half of it. Why do so many gays/lesbians feel their lives are hopeless and worthless? She felt she couldn't have a family, a house...a LIFE. That is ridiculous. We love who we love. No one, not even anyone's God will judge us for that. I used to get kicked out of Catholic studies because I just suggested that God made us all different to see if we had the hutzpaa (sp?) to get along. My parents were exasperated but even as as child I knew I had a different path. Not a bad one, just different.
You are who you are. What do they say, "God doesn't make mistakes." I'm not a religious person per se, but I am spiritual. I belive the energy, the Universe made us who we are. Yeats said, " and it seemed that our two natures blent into a sphere from youthful sympathy". I belive we are split in two, and we search our whole lives searching for our second half. We think we have found it, then found out we haven't. And we keep searching. Even when we have found it, we might have changed and it doesn't fit, even when we so desperately want it to. What to do?
Adapt. Isn't that what life is about. Life, death, birth, change jobs.... isn't that what happens. Maybe it's all about how we adapt to change. We laugh, cry, get angry, get happy. We all adapt, despite if we think we are rebels, we all adapt.
I'm tired. I'm tired of having to go visit and put flowers on gravesites for people who either I loved or people I loved, loved. I will fight the good fight to keep them out of the ground, even if it means I will be in the ground at the end. That's how much it means to me. How much does your gay relative mean to you?
Foucault said "We are all accustomed to disguise ourselves to others, that in the end, we become disguised to ourselves." Don't be disguised to yourself in anyway. It just ruins you in the end. Be who you are, love who you love and never be ashamed.
Peace. ~hb
Her sister, a very good friend of mine, at my request sent me her final suicide note. I couldn't even get through half of it. Why do so many gays/lesbians feel their lives are hopeless and worthless? She felt she couldn't have a family, a house...a LIFE. That is ridiculous. We love who we love. No one, not even anyone's God will judge us for that. I used to get kicked out of Catholic studies because I just suggested that God made us all different to see if we had the hutzpaa (sp?) to get along. My parents were exasperated but even as as child I knew I had a different path. Not a bad one, just different.
You are who you are. What do they say, "God doesn't make mistakes." I'm not a religious person per se, but I am spiritual. I belive the energy, the Universe made us who we are. Yeats said, " and it seemed that our two natures blent into a sphere from youthful sympathy". I belive we are split in two, and we search our whole lives searching for our second half. We think we have found it, then found out we haven't. And we keep searching. Even when we have found it, we might have changed and it doesn't fit, even when we so desperately want it to. What to do?
Adapt. Isn't that what life is about. Life, death, birth, change jobs.... isn't that what happens. Maybe it's all about how we adapt to change. We laugh, cry, get angry, get happy. We all adapt, despite if we think we are rebels, we all adapt.
I'm tired. I'm tired of having to go visit and put flowers on gravesites for people who either I loved or people I loved, loved. I will fight the good fight to keep them out of the ground, even if it means I will be in the ground at the end. That's how much it means to me. How much does your gay relative mean to you?
Foucault said "We are all accustomed to disguise ourselves to others, that in the end, we become disguised to ourselves." Don't be disguised to yourself in anyway. It just ruins you in the end. Be who you are, love who you love and never be ashamed.
Peace. ~hb
Monday, August 24, 2009
We have become an online gaming nation, rather than an online thinking nation
It is my opinion that we have become an online gaming nation rather than an online thinking nation. I logged onto my Facebook account last night after what was a blissful retreat FROM Facebook and was bombarded by a dizzing array of "I beat this in Bejeweled Blitz" or "I need Farkle chips", (BTW, what is a Farkle and why does it have a chip?)
All of my friends, new and old, are into several games. Yes, I play Vampire Wars, but I log in once a day, kick some ass and don't ask my friends for help. Takes 20 minutes edge off of my day. Enough to satisfy my "blood lust" ;) . I had 20 request for Mafia Wars cell phones and other evidently mafia related things, more for Vamp Wars, Farkle chips, Texas Hold 'Em chips(which I can actually play very well in "real" life, thank you. And, I play a mean game of regular ol' Poker thanks to my Dad and a 4 day stint in Vegas, You're money, BABY!.) I have to admit (god help me), me and my ex did buy my nephews a WIii last Christmas but they play it all the time and exercise with it, which is cool. Their mom is the best with pushing the sports and exercise.
I was flabbergasted by the amount of gaming going on. I respect gamers. It really is a skill, if it is your JOB. Otherwise, get a job. Make some friends. Go out, shower and dress in a sort of cool, respectful manner, not in that order necessarily?! I have a gaming system and play it sometimes (yummy Laura Croft, what I can't be old school?,) but I also READ. I have two bookshevles full of classics, old and new, that I read part of every day. Read Neitzsche, or the Bible if that is more to your fancy. Watch some NEWS or ESPN on the actual T.V. I write, I blog. I exercise. I cook. I participate in society. But, if your intention is to only get home so you can log on to a gaming site, you need to reevaluate things and either spend more time with your family, listen to some music, read some classics or just chill. Watch some WNBA, 'cuz you know they are one of my favorites.
Lay off the computer gaming for a few days. You'll feel much better about yourself. Boredom isn't an excuse. Get up off your butt and do something else. Anyone who knows me knows I will read anything, a menu, a number on a bathroom stall, I will edit it, correct it and not feel bad about it, so I advocate reading of all things, however, do ANYTHING but spend a few minutes a day online "gaming" and don't forget how to participate in real life. It seems to be a dying art. Remember how to talk to people, don't just grunt at them. Ugg. Gross, belligerent and just bad manners. Half-calf, decaf, non-fat Latte doesn't cut it. TALK to people. Look them in the eye.
And unless you are Twittering, don't shorthand....it is the death of language, which is precious, and besides, it's annoying.
Namaste :) HB
All of my friends, new and old, are into several games. Yes, I play Vampire Wars, but I log in once a day, kick some ass and don't ask my friends for help. Takes 20 minutes edge off of my day. Enough to satisfy my "blood lust" ;) . I had 20 request for Mafia Wars cell phones and other evidently mafia related things, more for Vamp Wars, Farkle chips, Texas Hold 'Em chips(which I can actually play very well in "real" life, thank you. And, I play a mean game of regular ol' Poker thanks to my Dad and a 4 day stint in Vegas, You're money, BABY!.) I have to admit (god help me), me and my ex did buy my nephews a WIii last Christmas but they play it all the time and exercise with it, which is cool. Their mom is the best with pushing the sports and exercise.
I was flabbergasted by the amount of gaming going on. I respect gamers. It really is a skill, if it is your JOB. Otherwise, get a job. Make some friends. Go out, shower and dress in a sort of cool, respectful manner, not in that order necessarily?! I have a gaming system and play it sometimes (yummy Laura Croft, what I can't be old school?,) but I also READ. I have two bookshevles full of classics, old and new, that I read part of every day. Read Neitzsche, or the Bible if that is more to your fancy. Watch some NEWS or ESPN on the actual T.V. I write, I blog. I exercise. I cook. I participate in society. But, if your intention is to only get home so you can log on to a gaming site, you need to reevaluate things and either spend more time with your family, listen to some music, read some classics or just chill. Watch some WNBA, 'cuz you know they are one of my favorites.
Lay off the computer gaming for a few days. You'll feel much better about yourself. Boredom isn't an excuse. Get up off your butt and do something else. Anyone who knows me knows I will read anything, a menu, a number on a bathroom stall, I will edit it, correct it and not feel bad about it, so I advocate reading of all things, however, do ANYTHING but spend a few minutes a day online "gaming" and don't forget how to participate in real life. It seems to be a dying art. Remember how to talk to people, don't just grunt at them. Ugg. Gross, belligerent and just bad manners. Half-calf, decaf, non-fat Latte doesn't cut it. TALK to people. Look them in the eye.
And unless you are Twittering, don't shorthand....it is the death of language, which is precious, and besides, it's annoying.
Namaste :) HB
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
