4 Degrees of Mother

I've discovered over the course of my life that there are 3 or maybe 4 degrees of the term Mother.

I'll just get this out of the way. I love the cuss word Motherfucker. I don't know why. Maybe because it really expresses a serious exasperation with a situation. But, then again, so does Horseshit, which has many merits unto itself.

Anyway, there is MOM! Used when you are irritated with her interference and you yell either MOM! or but MOM!

There is also the Motheeeerrrrrrr! This requires that you roll your eyes, turn around and generally ignore her while she desperately tries to reason with you while you make a very, very bad decision, but you're old enough, right?

Next, is Mommy! This is when you've been away too long from her and just want her smell, and hugs and kisses of course. You'll do anything she asks. Laundry? Yes! Mow the lawn? Of, course! Cook dinner? Whatever you want! Grocery shopping, money....please just don't leave me again, syndrome. Only occurs on vacations or extended stay at a relative's without you.

Finally, for me is Mum. I started in the 7th grade when I discovered British sub-culture....Sid&Nancy, Beatles, Duran Duran, most things British anyway. This is how I usually ref ere to my mom....Mum. She hates, I love it. We accept and move on.

Whatever you call your mother, please call her pleasantly. She is your Mum after all.

~namaste HB

To be or not be neekid, that is the question?

Lady Sovereign (before Lady Gaga) said "Love me or hate me, that is the question". I ask, to be naked in one's own house, that is the question.

When I'm alone, I walk around naked. I picked up this habit from a couple of ex's. My most recent one was a fanatical neekid girl and insisted I be one too. I finally got used to it. Of course, I spent most of my time drunk and in bed so naked seemed to be the logical choice. Why bother.

Now that I don't drink and wear clothes when appropriate, I still relish in walking around naked when no one is around. I clean, dance, do laundry, dishes, even cook without clothes. Saves on laundry, water, except when I shower which is daily ( I cannot tell you how glorious it feels to get out of the shower and just put on a big fluffy robe instead of drying off with a fuggly towel)!

My dilemma came today when my mom walked in with me wearing my nano on my arm with a band, naked, just walking around taking care of business. Too much togetherness...yeah. I thought so too. I need to take away her key.

She was horrified I was naked at 12pm. I was horrified she was horrfied and came in without calling! What if I was having sex! That would just kill her. Trust me, she would have died right on the spot watch two lesbians go at it.

LMAO. She got a blanket off the chair and threw it over me and told me to put some clothes on and be decent. WTF? Can't I be neekid when I want to be?

I threw off the blanket and told her to just chill. Of course, I put on a robe and then got ready to go shopping with her, with is another blog. I got dressed, but I really started to think about it. What's wrong with being naked when you aren't around children and just by yourself or your partner?

THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH IT! BE NEEKID! Enjoy it! I do. It's fun and it helps you appreciate your sexuality and your body.

~ namaste hb

No remote control

I may be a lesbian but like I've said before we are no different than any couple. My ex controlled the remote. My aunt called it her phallic symbol. LOL. Whatever.

There is always someone who controls the remote.

Shugging my shoulders. That's just the way it is. And like so many other things, I don't understand it. Now, I have my own remote. HA! ; - )

~namaste hb

Zen

And the child asked the Angel, "Why do I have to die?"
And the Angel responded,
"Because without tragedy, we would not know joy."

And red asked the color blue,
"Why am I so sangiousnious and you so ultramarine?"
And the color blue responded,"Because, without you how would the ocean and sunset know where to meet?"

And the sparrow asked the dove,
"Why do you threaten me?"
And the dove responded,
"Because without fear, we would not know peace."

And the rose asked the thorn,
"Why do I wear you?"
And the thorn responded,
"Because without pain, we would not know beauty."

O.k. I have to ask....

When is it appropriate to pee in a men's room? I have been 3 times in Laredo doing research for my study. And every time, I have to pee in a men's restroom.

It is gross. It is.....gross. But, All the women's restsrooms are closed for repair.

I squat. I pray my thighs will hold out. I don't even really care that there is paper. ......I think I am going to start carrying some sort of Lysol product.

I inherited my bladder from su madre. Very small........ I stop like every 39 minutes. I've time it.

I went a whole hour and a half without peeing before finding a place for gas and pee and guess what......"oh, women's room, not working," MMMMh Is men's "yes." Then I though I had a place to pee.

I called out. Every man, all 3 of them left and stood at the door. That's coming together. I thanked them and left with a relieved bladder. They kept telling me they were happy to help. Me, I was happy they helped but really happy my tiny bladder was not in danger of exploding.

To the truckers that respesected me...you are more respectful right now by me than most of the citizens of North America are. To women who have VERY small bladders, don't be afraid to use the men's room. Relief......I'm glad to be home. I always knew my mexican friends were helpful. Thank you. My results on my study will not be available until my UTI is under control.

~namaste hb

Don't fuck with me

I say this because both my facebook and twitter accounts were compromised recently. I know who did it. Or the two people who conspired to do it. I'm too much of a real human person to give them up. They have backtalked me online for christ's sake; not to my face, not on the phone but online behind an avatar or ID. Such cowards. I will get you everytime.

I live my life. I live the life I write about. Just b/c you don't know about it anymore doesn't mean it isn't the way it is. You don't know shit about me you son-of-a-bitch.

You are worthless, money-hording, bitches. You won't tell your boyfriend you hide money from him, or admit to drinking or being meth addicts, she won't give me the money she owes me. You are pathetic. And you think you have people. Try small town people. They will come to my defense faster than yours will because we are real family, you douchebag.

Sorry, had to rant for a bit.

I'm good now..... SA is in the playoffs. Writing and doing research. Talked in front of a big crowd about glbt rights. Feel good, look good. Everything is good. :);)

~namaste hb

There is less of me today because she has taken a little bit more of my soul

I woke up this morning to a knock at my door. Groggy and walking unsteady as I had just awoken and had a late night writing, I looked and saw no one. Tempted to just leave a package or whatever at the door I almost went back to bed. But, I didn't. I opened the door to find a single sterling silver rose laid carefully at my door. I ran outside and saw no one. Someone or something was like a ghost in the wind.

Now, no one, except one person on this EARTH knows (well, now maybe more people know) that those are my favorite roses. A TRUE sterling silver rose, not lavender, is rare, expensive and hard to find. Hey, I never said I was a cheap or easy girlfriend. How long did she have to search for it? And, did she drive or have someone else leave it? I hope she had someone else leave it because if she had been outside my door, I would have taken her inside and held her so close she would never have thought of leaving.

Today, would have been our anniversary. A very long anniversary. A day I screwed up for the rest of our lives because of fear. Why I fucked things up, I will never understand. She was the best thing to happen to me.

Oh, my god, it was a long courtship on my part. I saw her, and I knew my life would never be the same. I have never been shy around women I wanted. But her, it was just different. It took me three months, many casual conversations, a bowling game, and a four day weekend to get her to realize #1 I was gay, because no one ever thinks I'm gay, and #2 to realize I was really interested in her.

As I picked up the rose and stroked it across my face because trust me I know what every day leading up to 9/8 is, it started to rain. Now, it hasn't rained here in weeks, no months. I mean it RAINED. And I cried. And I remembered a Hebrew proverb that I was once told, " Let men beware of causing women to weep; God counts their tears." Of course, it wasn't a man but you get the idea.

I miss her everyday. It is so stupid. Everytime I read an article or see a movie, there is some reference to where we lived or where she lives now or what she does or things we liked to do. And, I always catch my breath for a moment. And I try, everyday to forgive and forget what we both did to each other. And usually, I think about it for a few minutes and then move on.

But, today. I can't. Aristole said, ""Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies." I guess our great tragedy is that we can't live with each other and we can't live without each other.

I will always miss and love you, my dear clover. Thank you for the beautiful gift. It had no thorns.

Just don't fuck things up. Think about what you are doing before you do it and be right with the choices you make. I have no regrets except one, and you just read about her.

namaste ~ hb